10 Learnings From My Marriage
1. Marry Young (If You Can)
Firstly, what I credit with working wonders in my marriage is marrying young. I believe the sooner you marry, the more flexible you are to adapt to the changes in your life. That’s because I’ve observed that when you get too mature, you also become too intelligent— to the point where you’re constantly analysing, overthinking, hunting for the “perfect match.” But the truth? There is no perfect match. So, do marry young, if you can.
2. The First 3 Years Are The Hardest
3. Acceptance Is The Biggest Superpower
The biggest superpower in any relationship is acceptance. After all, no two people are the same. Let’s face it, even siblings raised under the same roof have different personalities. Similarly, in a marriage, you may be particular about keeping your surroundings spotless, but your partner might throw a wet towel on the bed and be perfectly okay with it. The lesson: stop trying to change your partner. Accept that their way of life will be different from yours. It’s perfectly okay! Once you accept these differences, you can easily strike a balance in your marriage without changing your partner. There’s always a choice!
4. Keep Financials Separate
While most people advise married couples to have a joint bank account, I have a different perspective. Honestly, it’s too idealistic. I’ve learnt it the hard way that it’s always better for a financially independent woman to spend her money the way she wants to. Similarly, her husband can also freely spend his finances on his terms. No control. No judgment.
Also Read: 6 Things About Travelling That My Child Has Taught Me: Kamiya Jani
5. Don’t Romanticise Joint Dreams
Marriage does romanticise the ‘two bodies one soul’ concept. But it doesn’t necessarily need to be a ‘two people one goal’ situation. It’s perfectly alright for two people in a marriage to walk their own paths and still meet in the middle. After all, you don’t need to have the same goals or vision board just because you’re married. In fact, a beautiful marriage can be one in which spouses cheer each other as they pursue their own goals in life.
6. Never Sleep In A Different Room
Yes, you may end up fighting over the AC remote or kicking your spouse in your sleep, but I’d advise that in my 15 years of marriage, you must never sleep in a different room. Physical distance does feel like punishment at times. Stay in the same space, even on the days you have arguments. Sometimes, a hug can solve what a 3-hour heated debate couldn’t. While fights are normal, hugs are so underrated, and expressing your feelings is underrated. That’s the beauty!
7. Working Together Saved Our Marriage
Don’t mix your personal life with your professional one. Don’t work with your spouse. Busting these myths on its head, I co-founded Curly Tales with my husband. Honestly, if we weren’t working together, and if I were travelling as much as I actually do, I doubt how strong our relationship would have been. Being co-founders has actually helped our marriage. Firstly, we have a collective responsibility towards our company. Secondly, the ambition remains the same. Thirdly, while our drive and vision may differ, the direction remains the same. So, we are walking along the same road, side by side, hand in hand.
Also Read: 11 Things I Learned In My 11 Years Of Marriage: Kamiya Jani
8. Fight, But Never Disrespect
There’s no escape from arguments in a marriage. And it’s healthy to even argue. But disrespect is unacceptable. Never cross the line during an argument. Moreover, no matter how heated things get, it’s an absolute no-no to disrespect each other’s parents or family. Words sting, and they stay forever. And wiping that slate clean isn’t easy as well. So, it’s always you and your spouse against the matter of concern. Not you both against each other. This is one of the most important marriage learnings.
9. Say “I Love You” More Often
I was never expressive — even today I’m not. But my husband never ends a call without saying, “I love you.” And I always reply with “I love you too.” It’s a very small gesture, but it helps strengthen our connection every single day. Moreover, it always puts a sweet smile on my face.
10. Have Fun, Pull Each Other’s Leg
A good sense of humour can go a long way in adding that extra dose of fun and masala in your married life. A pun, a PJ can just diffuse any situation and turn it into a light-hearted one. Have fun, pulling each other’s legs and remember, don’t take life too seriously as well. It’s one of the very underrated yet pertinent marriage learnings I can share.
I hope my secret sauce on what sustains a happy marriage helps you too.